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I felt like I was so sure but just a couple days ago I thought, "Sarah you should really stop pretending you like boys."
Well the idea stuck. It really does make sense, especially since I don't think I have ever been able to truly call a guy "hot," or "cute." Well, there are few exceptions but not enough to make a significant dent in my train of thought. I think I am a lesbian hiding behind the word "bisexual"... I have always thought "how do I know I really am a lesbian without actually ever actually being with a girl." It seems to me it’s not something you know from experience, it is just something you just know.
There are a few other reason behind my train of thought but the one I mentioned seems to be most obvious.
Yeah I am probably just like every other teen age girl who questions their sexuality but I will always stand by the phrase, "There are people who love men, there are people who love women, and there are people who love people.”
Because of this revelation of thought I broke up with my boyfriend. He is still proving to be a great friend and is supportive so I believe things will be just fine.
Well aside from all of this...
I had a bit of a relapse this weekend. I just couldn’t stop eating…..
I found out my school district is contemplating removing AP classes from my high school as well as laying off two teachers from each department. I could not believe it when I heard it. Can’t they find some other solution the budget cut? If you have any thoughts or comments on this let me know. I am writing a letter I would like to send to my principal, superintendent, and the Nevada state legislators and I would love to hear others input.
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Well the idea stuck. It really does make sense, especially since I don't think I have ever been able to truly call a guy "hot," or "cute." Well, there are few exceptions but not enough to make a significant dent in my train of thought. I think I am a lesbian hiding behind the word "bisexual"... I have always thought "how do I know I really am a lesbian without actually ever actually being with a girl." It seems to me it’s not something you know from experience, it is just something you just know.
There are a few other reason behind my train of thought but the one I mentioned seems to be most obvious.
Yeah I am probably just like every other teen age girl who questions their sexuality but I will always stand by the phrase, "There are people who love men, there are people who love women, and there are people who love people.”
Because of this revelation of thought I broke up with my boyfriend. He is still proving to be a great friend and is supportive so I believe things will be just fine.
Well aside from all of this...
I had a bit of a relapse this weekend. I just couldn’t stop eating…..
I found out my school district is contemplating removing AP classes from my high school as well as laying off two teachers from each department. I could not believe it when I heard it. Can’t they find some other solution the budget cut? If you have any thoughts or comments on this let me know. I am writing a letter I would like to send to my principal, superintendent, and the Nevada state legislators and I would love to hear others input.
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Secret Shame.I love food. I love it more than anyone should.
It is my addiction. I would be content with just eating all day and doing nothing else.
I am literally surrendering my life to food. And I don't care.
Call it fake, say its bad.
I love food, and it loves me back. Thats all I care about.
Then why does eating more make me feel empty and ashamed, instead of filling the void I'm so desperately trying to fill?
Lost: One InnocenceWhat happened to the little girl
Who danced through the sun and carved
Her initials into the tree?
When did those letters become lines of hate
Carved in misery into her skin?
When did the goal become simply to survive?
When before it was to stop biting her nails?
When did the crayon clutched in her hand
Become a bloody razor blade?
The voice that sang sweet nursery rhymes
Now has to speak of feelings darker
Than anyone should feel.
When did it all change?
No point trying to claw back the innocence,
It is lost forever now.
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TrichMy hair is full of weeds, and however many I pull out, they will always be there, gripping my skull and squeezing it until there is no longer room to think.
(I saw you in your car checking your hairline and frowning, and it scared the crap out of me.)
My mental illness:thumb43388249:
Hi, my name is Fiona.
I'm in the first grade.
I went to the docter today.
He and mommy were talking.
He said I have Adhd.
I don't know what that is but it sound cool
Mommy was upset.
She said I don't want her to take 'meds'
I wonder what meds are?
Hello, it's Fiona again.
It's the middle of second grade.
I have been doing bad in my class.
My mommy decided to give me 'meds'
They are like the stuff daddy has.
It's called 'Aderal'.
It sounds funny.
I wonder what it does?
I'm in thrid grade now.
I am getting much better grades
Though now my ribs show.
It's cool that I can count them now.
I weigh 40 pounds.
I'm also the shortest in the class.
Mom says I'm 'anorexic'.
But there is something confusing me.
Why do I like death now?
Now I am in forth grade.
I weigh 50 pounds.
I'm 4 foot 3.
My little brother is heavier and bigger than me.
I can't sleep well.
I got ten hours of sleep last night.
But now it feels like none.
My doctor says I have 'insomnia'.
My meds make it worse.
Why me? Why me?
No
Questioning SexualityI used to think I was bisexual:thumb113425279:
girls and boys, it didn't matter
It was their personality and kisses I craved
but in that context, I'd be pansexual
Later it changed, I developed
It was bisexuality with a strong urge for girls
me and him broke up, I decided lesbian
a couple years pass
I wonder back into pansexuality,
love is love, and etc
but if nothing turns me on other then physical
I'm not so sure of my sexuality
later I think. am I even aroused,
or do I just like the climax?
That question was answered with a yes
so I thought and thought,
I couldn't be.. asexual.. right?
I labeled myself lesbian,
because asexual and pansexual didn't fit
and I have a .. problem with bisexuality
Now I think back, my emotions may tie me
Yet I've only one been attracted physically
a simple touch and I all but want to attack them
I never find a guys personality attractive, romantically
.. except him.. so I'm still questioning
Is there a true sexuality for only being attracted to one?
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TestIts a war between paper and pen.
IT laughs at you,
mocking you with its blank lines.
Your head burns with information
And yet here is this blank paper.
You hate it.
Minutes are ticking by
You need these words out of your head!
Hurry...Your losing time.
Pen ready to charge
...I retreat again...
Damn it all.
I know the words to write.
I feel the words come and dance in my head.
They flow and i bet I can say them all to you.
But now that you put so much pressure on me
it seems my hand is resisting you once again.
losing myself.i refuse to lower my standards because "that's what makes people like you".
i refuse to gulp down that burning liquid because "it makes you feel so confident and fuzzy".
i refuse to choke down those pretty white pills because "they make the bad things go away".
i refuse to blacken my lungs with cancer sticks because "it shows the world you don't give a fuck".
i refuse to give up my innocence because "no one is a virgin these days".
i refuse to give my heart away to some immature little boy with dirty hands because "he makes me feel so loved and special".
i refuse to be another high school cliché because "everybody else is doing it".
trying to be someone i'm not has been
the stupidest mistake
i have ever made.
from this day forward,
i will honor myself,
body and soul.
i will always try to be myself.
even if i have no idea
who that is yet.
So HumanSo Human
It ALWAYS happened, every time I walked past her, or whenever she came into the same classroom as me. My breath would stutter, my heartbeat would soar and my legs would feel like jelly. I couldn't control it, and it wasn't as if I didn't like it, it was just a bit embarrassing if it happened in the middle of the corridor and I had to put a steadying hand against the wall, or the nearest thing I could get hold of. It actually depressed me a bit, if I'm honest, because even though there were rumours that she was the same, and by God, there were rumours, I never had the nerve to ask her. Until one day, about three weeks ago…
We were told to sit at the same table in Art. The teacher was having a 'rearrange the whole class into alphabetical order' day, and her name was Adams. Chloe Adams. Mine is Ashleigh Andrews. So, trying to control my jelly-legs and racing heart, I sat down. The task that lesson was to draw and paint a portrait. There was no fixed subject for us, so, basic
I'm not dead
As some of you guys have noticed. I am not very active anymore on this account. I still keep it open though for the poetry and writings I submitted here long ago. I do have an idea in mind for another poem though so don't worry, I'll be posting something soon on this account. (For those who wonder why I keep these things separately I'll explain, the visual arts account i have is more family friendly, it's an account I'm not afraid to show my family. This account holds a lot of things that I would much rather not have my family see.)
Today I want to advertise a website I found, it's been extremely useful. It's called Your Life Your Voice http
Rant
Visual arts account
Today has been an absolutely wonderful yet horrible day. I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and half. I'm not sure if I should be depressed, or if I should be jumping up and down in excitement. I always felt like never got enough attention from him and that he always payed more attention to others especially this other girl (*cough**cough* home wrecking whore). He always seemed to go in this pattern of giving me oodles of love to not telling me where he is going or who he is with, and barely willing to communicate with me . Usually when he went to barely telling me it usually meant he was with her. I caught on this a
New Account!
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Go watch it please!!!!!
I do plan to keep this account activ
username
I am seriously considering moving accounts. I like my username don't get me wrong, it just doesn't show my personality like it used to. I have changed quite a bit since I first made this account. Yes, my personality is the same but I have learned so much about myself. Two years ago,I could not tell you that I was pansexual because I did not know. Two years ago, I had no idea what art forms I liked best and what kind of art I wanted to produce. Two years ago, I never thought I would end up at a community college. Two years ago, I had no idea I would even be dating Max and be in a serious relationship with him. Two years ago, I did not know I w
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